I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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