literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
