you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
