don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
