I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
