My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
