her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
