I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
