the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
