It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
