Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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