he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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