okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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