I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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