You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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