i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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