remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
