a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
