This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
