I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
