woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
