Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
