I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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