this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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