i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
