I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
