The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
