His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
