she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
