Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
