Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
