he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
