porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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