I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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