The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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