she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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