just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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