it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
