remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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