I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
