Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
