dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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