i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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