UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i black out too much to be "responsible"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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