I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
