i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
