This girl is more easily done than said...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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