Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
