dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
