she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I would fuck him just for his dog
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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